My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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