the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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