i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's official drugs can't kill me
Blood and glitter go together right?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize