having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
