people are starting to question the shark bite story
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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