We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
