Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
