At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
