I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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