I just saw a hot homeless man
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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