And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
40s are totally the cure
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
