when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
