you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
