For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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