All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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