My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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