The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
