What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
