so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
its not stalking. its research.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
