Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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