The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
