Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
