Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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