he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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