the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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