I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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