Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
