My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
