Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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