So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
never play flip cup with pint glasses
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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