she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
