She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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