don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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