Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
