So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
