i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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