don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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