cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
