You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
