Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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