ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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