hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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