I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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