discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
