he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Come on in and take your pants off
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