I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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