I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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