she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
