he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
