Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
