I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
