My first STD was from a foam party
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
