I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
