One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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