I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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