I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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