Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
