I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Come see our sink grown plant.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
