also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
