he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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