birth control should be required to get into college
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
