I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
