is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
