I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
