guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
