I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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