unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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