Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
