I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
