pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
