I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
