i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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