I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
