Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
